Taking a break

As this semester is going full steam now, I’m beginning to realize that I need to streamline the tasks that I take on.  So with a little bit of regret, I am taking an indefinitely break from blogging.  I’ve looked back over the year plus that I’ve been blogging, and I’ve noticed that the times in which I’m busiest tend to be the weakest posts, and I don’t want quality to suffer.  I’ve got several new things that will be taking up time, and I want to be able to devote more energy to them.  I may be back, and it may not be that long, but I need a break from the three days a week or so posting.  Thanks for reading.  Please check back in a few months to see how I’m doing.

What I mean is not really what I said

I’ve said this before, but talking with one of my classes recently has convinced me to say it again.  When we communicate with others, we assume that our words have only one meaning.  We know what we mean, and we assume that they will interpret our words exactly as we intend.  That is a false and sometimes dangerous assumption.  The truth is our words are just symbols for whatever we have in our heads, and often, the link between the symbol and the idea in our head is not as absolute as we would like to believe.  When we speak (or gesture or send an email or…), we try to send an idea to someone using those symbols, but there is always a chance that they will misinterpret our message.  That’s not their fault.  It’s not our fault.  It’s just reality.  You can take steps to reduce the chances of these misinterpretations, but the first step is realizing the assumptions that we make about meaning (usually without even thinking about them).  Just because you know what your words mean to you doesn’t mean they mean the same thing to everyone else.

Training People how to have Tough Conversations

I was talking to an executive recently about organizational communication.  He said that he believed basic business skills were often important in landing entry-level jobs, but that being promoted relied more on communication than business savvy.  While I hesitate to make the same generalization, I do think most managers need the ability to communicate with employees, and I would argue that most managers-to-be are untrained in that ability.  And most organizations don’t provide that either.

One of the most important challenges a manager faces is confronting employees.  Although employees may dream of the ability to confront others, such conversations, when done appropriately, often require extraordinary amounts of courage.  All Things Workplace has great tips for approaching those tough conversations.  I’ve also just started a book called Crucial Conversations that someone recommended that I am expecting to address similar topics.

But of course, managers aren’t the only ones who face tough conversations.  See here and here for more tips from All Things Workplace on honesty and candor.  I think one of the reasons these posts really spoke to me was that honesty and candor are traits that we crave but so rarely find.  Perhaps you can be the exception in your workplace.  If so, I predict that people will notice and appreciate you.

Person-Centered Messages…Revisiting an Important Topic

One of my favorite topics these days is Person-Centered Messages, so I thought I would revisit that topic today.  Person-Centered Messages are those times when you communicate with the other person in mind, and specifically, with how the other person will hear what you are saying.  We tend to communicate like we want other to communicate with us.  Try something.  The next time you’re planning an important conversation, ask yourself how the other person will hear what you are saying.  Be sure that you’re not using yourself as an example.  In other words, the question isn’t how you’d hear the message if someone said it to you.  The question is how will that person hear it.  Obviously, that requires getting to know the people around you—relationships are key in workplaces.  But try to approach the conversation with them in mind.  Some people are better at this than others, but all of us can improve.

The Old Suggestion Box

I’m still having a little trouble balancing things and finding time to blog.

When I was in college, I worked at a job and we had a suggestion box right next to the supervisor’s office.  Funny thing was that no one had a key to the box, so we all thought of stories of some of the things that must be inside the box (the office had been there for quite a while so the possibilities were endless).  But one thing we knew for sure—the suggestion box was not the way to make substantive suggestions.  I am willing to guess that many workplaces have some sort of suggestion box, and I am also willing to guess that most employees think that theirs is about as useful as the one at my job was.  An episode of NBC’s The Office demonstrates this as Michael raids the suggestion box for ideas on how to improve his branch only to find suggestions dating back years.  Harlos (2001) listed a suggestion box as one of the most common ways of soliciting feedback from employees but also one of the least useful under many circumstances because it is so easy for such a box to get the reputation of being futile.  It’s almost cliché these days so that installing a box in your office may not be the best approach.  I was talking to a manager who brought the idea into the 21st Century by creating an electronic version.  Employees could post questions or ideas anonymously.  The manager’s secretary compiled the ideas weekly, and the manager posted responses on the forum so that employees could see that their ideas were considered.  Implied of course is that ideas are considered.  Don’t do this just to make employees “feel” heard if you don’t intend to actually consider their ideas.

Harlos, K. P. (2001). When organizational voice systems fail: More on the deaf-ear syndrome and frustration effects.  The Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, 37, 324-342.

When you make a mistake…

I got a little bit behind on Friday and wasn’t able to post, but I’m back today.

What do you do when you realize that you’ve made a mistake?  Do you cover it up?  Do you blindly continue on a course of action that you know is wrong?  Do you admit the mistake and apologize?  Most of us fear that third option because we don’t want to appear weak or out of control.  I really appreciated the research that management scholar Bob Sutton summarized in this post.  Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.”  People don’t mind that you’re human as long as you are able to admit that you make mistakes just like everyone else.  Then, show them what course of action you’re going to do instead.

Childhood Lessons We Forget As Adults

Today’s post comes after a conversation with someone starting a new job this past summer.

As children, we were all taught to say “please” and “thank you” at appropriate moments.  I can still remember my mother saying “now what do you say?” over and over until it was drilled into my head—when you want something, say please, and when you get something from someone, say thank you.  So what happens when we enter the work force?  Why do so many of us forget those simple words?  And then, if we happen to remember them as entry-level workers, what happens in the management experience to convince us that they aren’t needed anymore?  You may think that you don’t need to say “please” or “thank you” to employees, particularly if you are their supervisor, but I challenge you to try it for the rest of the month.  See what the politeness of “please” and the gratitude of “thank you” does in your workplace and let me know.  I think gratitude is a big deal that is often overlooked in the day-to-day workplace.

As children, we were all taught to say “please” and “thank you” at appropriate moments.  I can still remember my mother saying “now what do you say?” over and over until it was drilled into my head—when you want something, say please, and when you get something from someone, say thank you.  So what happens when we enter the work force?  Why do so many of us forget those simple words?  And then, if we happen to remember them as entry-level workers, what happens in the management experience to convince us that they aren’t needed anymore?  You may think that you don’t need to say “please” or “thank you” to employees, particularly if you are their supervisor, but I challenge you to try it for the rest of the month.  See what the politeness of “please” and the gratitude of “thank you” does in your workplace and let me know.  I think gratitude is a big deal that is often overlooked in the day-to-day workplace.

Out of Office

This is the first week of school at my university, and I’m slammed with the typical first week adjustments and transitions.  I’ll be back with posts next week, beginning Wednesday, Sept. 9.

Some recent experiences with meetings

In preparation for school each fall, my university has a number of “retreats” for faculty.  In this context, the word “retreat” is used to refer to an all-day meeting, because “all-day meeting” sounds bad, but “retreat” sounds refreshing.  During those all-day meetings, I’ve noticed a couple of things that I thought would be relevant to anyone leading meetings.  First, stay on task (refer to previous posts about agendas), but be flexible.  The leader guiding us through several days of meetings is known as a schedule-oriented leader, and we all appreciate that.  We appreciate that he considers the agenda to be an agreement between all people involved as to how our time will be used, and typically, we appreciate that he doesn’t allow topics to be discussed indefinitely.  However, at one point, we were in the midst of an important conversation, and he remarked that this particular conversation needed to continue past its designated stop time.  My point is that this leader does a remarkable job of sticking to an agenda but is still flexible enough to slow down for the truly critical tasks.  As you lead meetings, honor the agenda, but also recognize the need for occasional flexibility.  That brings me to the second lesson–the importance of knowing what’s truly important and what’s not.  This leader structured these meetings in such a way that he could listen to what faculty think are important as well as explaining some things that we need to know but may not fall on to our radar as important.  There’s a balance there that’s important to recognize.  As you are planning meetings, think about what is important from the perspective of meeting attendees, and structure the meeting accordingly.

Cautions about Emotional Intelligence

I had students present last semester on emotional intelligence.  I was talking with someone who guest lectures for me from time to time, and she also mentioned it.  Emotional intelligence is achieving buzzword status, but I think there is some clarification and caution that is important to consider.  First, self-awareness and knowing your own emotions are vital–really important skills to develop.  I think the caution is more about how you deal with others.   There is certainly a manipulative element in trying to control the emotions of others.  What gives anyone the right to do that?  But even beyond that, television shows like Lie to Me make it seem easy to watch people’s faces and diagnose their emotional states.  I absolutely loved the action statements at the end of this post on emotions and facial expressions.  Don’t assume that you can relate on only the basis of a fleeting gesture.